How Julian Bashir OWNED James Bond…

Hello folks! It’s been awhile. Actually, two months, so I’ll go ahead and cop to the fact that I have been wickedly busy over that time period (not nearly as busy writing as I would like) and I absolutely apologize for the prolonged absence.

I couldn’t help but notice that the Ad Astra Forums are down and then I notice the grand Miranda Fave blog about it…then he throws down the gauntlet with this:

“P.P.S. I throw down a challenge for fellow bloggers to enthral those of us missing our usual dose of Ad Astra discussion with some entertaining new blogs. Go on … you have to … not cos I tell you … cos mine was lame!”

As many who know me can tell you I do not take challenges lightly. It’s on MF! It’s ON!

All right, all kidding aside, MF has a wonderful idea here and this is the perfect time to give the eulogy of the poor red shirted story (you see what I did there?) of one Julian Bashir, secret agent at large.

We all remember “Our Man Bashir” the amazingly brilliant episode from DS9 that was basically classic James Bond at it’s finest. I’d go so far as to say that the episode has been better than pretty much every Bond movie over the last 17 years (the two exceptions being Goldeneye and Casino Royale). Anyways, that episode was always a particular favorite of mine and one that I decided deserved some more love.

However, it was a holodeck/transporter malfunction episode (two classic Trek cliche’ episodes made into one) and to replicate the circumstances of that episode would be virtually impossible. So…I had to get creative.

Basically what I did was proposition that the episode took place as we saw it, minus that it was all a “holodeck fantasy” bit. So, what we saw in the episode actually happened (up to a certain point) and then the rest spun out from there.

I even went so far as to make a fake (read, horrible) movie trailer for this story and I’ll be showing that off here, today. Making the trailer wasn’t that difficult and was quite fun. The splicing is kind of choppy, simply because I had to take the scenes from the episode itself and so things are out of context. I did my best however to make it work and according to the only two people who ever saw it (one at the time who was three, but he enjoyed it) they both thought it was kinda cool.

I did this back in late 2010, so it’s dated, and the video itself is not even close to HD (I downloaded the video clips off various sites so the quality, alas, is not there) but all the same I feel it has a distinct classic James Bond feel. The video is below, as always any and all comments are welcome.

Julian Bashir Secret Agent Trailer

I also wrote a bit of the story as well. Only the first chapter or so as I recall. Here’s that.


1964 Earth: Mt. Everest


                He stood there, his enemy parading around him. He had to stall for time. It couldn’t end this way…it couldn’t end now. “Wait!” Julian Bashir said it with as much conviction as he could. He had to make the man before him wait.

                Dr. Noah stared at him with suspicion but the gun didn’t move. Noah held it firm, pointed at his head.

                Julian Bashir took a deep breath. “Maybe I’m tired of being a hero. Maybe I’ve thought over what you said and decided that you’re absolutely right.”

                Noah stared at him in confusion. “About what?”

                “Everything. The decadence of the world, the need for order…the more I think about it the more I realize your way may be the only way.”

                Noah stared at him for a second before he broke into a scoff. He didn’t believe him. He walked to his console, the button for the final laser sequence ready to be pushed. Noah raised his arm to slam the button, but paused right before his fist hit. He looked at Julian with puzzlement.

                “You…expect me…to believe that?” Noah said in a mock tone. “You are Julian Bashir…a man who has spent his entire life dedicated to fighting against—”

                “Yes!” Julian exclaimed loudly. He looked at Noah with despair. He had to stall…just a little longer. “But that’s all about to end now, isn’t it? You’re going to destroy this world and start a new one. What’s the use of me continuing to defend a doomed planet? Can you see the sense in that?”

                Julian was taking a calculated risk. He was going to appeal to the scientist in Noah…and scientists operated by rules of logic. There was no logic in Julian continuing to defend this world…not to Noah at least. He had to bet that whatever twisted humanity was left in Noah was inconsequential to the scientist the man was.

                Noah stared at him and turned around. “No,” he said with surprise.

                “No,” Julian repeated slowly as he walked towards the console. “I’m an intelligence agent and if there’s any one thing I’ve learned it is that there comes a point when the odds are against you and there is no reasonable action but to quit,” he said truthfully. Out of the corner of his eye he saw Garak look at him with understanding and Julian silently thanked his friend-if not for the Cardassian, he wouldn’t have been able to stall Noah this far. He had to keep going.

                “How do you think I’ve managed to stay alive so long, when all my compatriots are dead? It is because I have known when to walk away.”

                Noah turned towards him and looked at Julian for a few seconds-seconds that seemed to last eons. He couldn’t stall much longer-Noah would see through this ruse soon enough. He only hoped he had bought enough time.

                “You make a very interesting argument Mr. Bashir…but I’m afraid I’ve been looking forward to killing you for a long time,” Noah said with glee. He raised both guns at Julian with steady hands.

                He had to buy more time. “You need to move beyond that,” he countered quickly, “you need to start thinking about your new world order. You may even need someone like me,” Julian said as he looked into Noah’s eyes.

                Noah took a cautious step forward. “If you think by going over there you are going to destroy my control console…you are wasting your time,” Noah said with confidence.

                Julian had no choice now. He only hoped it was ready…he only hoped he had given his people enough time. “I don’t intend to destroy your console Doctor…I intend to use it!” With that Julian slammed the button and everyone stared at him in horror.

                “You’ve just activated the final laser sequence,” Honey Bare said in surprise.

                “You’ve destroyed the world,” Anastasia Komananov uttered in horror.

                 Julian pulled his hand back from the console and looked Noah in the eye.

                The map that showed the world began to shrink, until finally only Mt. Everest was left.

                “It’s working, just as you’ve planned…you’ve done it, Doctor,” Falcon said happily.

                Noah stared out a nearby window, his hand behind his back. “Yes,” he said as he turned to look at Julian, “but somehow, I didn’t expect to win.”

                Julian looked back at him, his mind blank. No more stalling…no more room to buy time. It was now or never.

                “I suppose the only thing left to do now…is to kill you,” he said as he raised the gun to Julian with a smile.

                It was then the windows to the room exploded in shattering glass and members of the Royal Marines came through the windows with ease, weapons drawn and ready.

                Julian made his way over to Noah and gave the madman a hard right uppercut, decking the man to the floor. Within seconds the marines had secured the area.

                The cold wind blew in harshly as Julian bent down to retrieve his gun. Once done, he stood back up and straightened his suit. Noah stared at him from the ground in fury. “What have you done?!”

                Julian smirked. “My dear Doctor Noah…you’ve been witness to the performance of the century.”

                A marine came over and heaved Noah to his feet, placing handcuffs on him quickly. Noah offered no resistance, the full extent of his fury realized. His eyes shook in anger. “It was all a trick?!”

                “Indeed it was, Doctor. Before I arrived in your auspicious company, a tracking device was implanted in me, allowing my government to track my location. Once I arrived here, they mobilized their forces to take over your compound.”

                “But…but I saw you press the button! You activated the sequence!” Noah yelled in desperation.

                “I did press the button,” Julian said with subdued glee, “but your console was being fed false data. I had a small communications device imbedded within my shoe and used it to contact my government, arranging this little act.  As you can see, the world wasn’t destroyed-it’s still there,” Julian said as he pointed out the window with a smile. “And it’s waiting for me. As for you,” he said as he turned back to Noah, “the only things waiting are three very bland walls and an iron clad door. Never fear though…visitation is allowed twice a month.”

                Noah lunged forward at him, but he was held back by the marine. “I’ll kill you, Bashir! I swear it!”

                Julian smirked. “Just make sure it’s after tea. Take him away.”

                The marine did as he was told and Julian watched as Noah was escorted out of the room. That’s when he let his smirk fade-as it rightly should. All that confidence, all that happiness, drained from his face as quickly as it arrived. It had all been one big risk after another…all one big game of chance. His tracking device had only been given a thirty percent chance of functioning at all…his shoe communication device was a prototype-never field tested.

                It had all been one big gamble…a gamble he won.

                Anastasia came up to him and pulled herself in close. “Oh Julian…I had thought…I had believed…”

                He put his hand on her cheek and wiped away a stray tear. “My dear, I would never do something like that…though perhaps by fate or luck I avoided such a dreadful decision this time.”

                Garak walked towards him with a surprised smirk. “That…would have never worked while I was with the Obsidian Order. Interesting…very interesting.”

                Julian sighed. He expected nothing more from Garak.

                “Bashir,” a strong voice called. He turned around to see his direct superior before him. “Good work,” the man said as he extended his hand. “A fine job you did today…you saved the world.”

                Julian half heartedly shook Director Lewis’ hand. “Sir…may I have a moment of your time?”

                Lewis looked at him with concern. “Of course.” The two walked into the hallway, away from everyone else. “What’s on your mind, Bashir?”

                Julian took a deep breath. “Sir…I herby turn in my resignation, effective immediately.”

                Lewis looked at him in surprise. “Excuse me?”

                “This mission…has been my last.” Julian extended his hand. “It has been an honor to serve with you, sir.”

                Lewis looked down and shook his head. “What will you do you? You’ve always been a spy.”

                Julian weakly smirked. “I’m going to use my medical degree to heal people…as it was always intended, Director. I’ll help people.”

                “You were helping people,” Lewis countered, “you’ve saved the world half a dozen times over at least.”

                Julian paused for a moment and then shook his head. “No, Director…I watched good people die. I watched…Mona die…and for once I understood what it was like for everyone else. I understood it…finally. I can’t do this anymore…I can’t watch good people die. I’m done.” Julian began to walk away, down the long hallway.

                The Director watched him leave with a frown. “The world will need you again one day, Bashir.”

                Julian stopped and turned around. “The world will have to find me first.” With that, he finally felt like he could go. He took off his tie and dropped it to the floor.

                Julian Bashir, Secret Agent…was dead.

                Julian Bashir, Person…had just been born.


And that ladies and gents is it. Julian Bashir, Secret Agent would have been an incredibly fun story to write and, perhaps one day, it may be written. As it stands now however, the story is very much dead. It’s had it’s day, it’s tale has been told, and hopefully it’s brought a smirk towards your face. As always, any questions/comments/ect are more than welcome. Have a good one folks. 🙂